Today was my birthday.... and it sucked azz. i mean it feels like i do the same thing every year, and im bored to death of it. Maybe one year i'll just sit on the couch and watch Buffy all day long... Ohh wait I already done that.. well i cant complain i mean i got some great gifts. im only 17. and i feel like i dont know i freak myself out sometimes... I feel the same but i know that im different.. not b/c of my dumb birthday but you know or feel a change in yourself. Sometimes i feel like wanting to die but i want to live and live life. it sounds strange. or sometimes i want to be totally different become another person. but i hate everyone else so then i'll just end up hating myself, and i do sometimes but i dont.. im in some kind of self personal limbo i think,,, but whatever. today is today and tomorrow well is tomorrow. And i cant change how i feel. And i dont want to sometimes. i dont know what the hell im talking about... its all confusing and jumbled up thoughts mixed in with strong emotions that i cant control. But this is another day like yesterday and how tomorrow will be... maybe I'll die tomorrow.... that would suck azz but hey i cant control it. sometimes when im driving down the street, i feel well i think about what would happen if i crash the car into on comming traffic... i think about what my family would say or how i would effect the other people's family... then i have my reality check and think to myself.... im thinking crazy. but they are just thoughts... death is so mysterious but in a way its soothing in my own messed up way... and no i dont wish death of myself im just currious how i will go....but who doesnt think that??? so im just tripp'n on candles